Around the Bend - 2000 and 10 - 2010 wolves

2009 is coming to a close and as a New Year awaits us, this is the perfect time for reflection and review -- and to renew our lives. During the holidays, relationships and family are generally in the spotlight. Perhaps we are longing for those we once had close ties with. We miss them when they’re not around.

It is very important to come to grips with reality. If there is any hope of renewing a failing relationship with a family member or old friend whom we've shared so much with; to be resurrected; find out.

Perhaps the need is it is time to simply *let go* and move on with your life without them. If that is the case; unpin the garbage trailer you've been hauling around. It really weighs you down. The past is past and we can't change it, Today is a Gift - that's why we call it the *present*. (Heard that one b4?)

Relationships are not easy at the best of times, they take a lot of work and nearly everyone seems to forget that when they are in one! But dragging around the baggage of the past only hurts us, slows us down...at times, to nearly a stand-still. It only hurts us, not those we've become astranged from.

Start the New Year with a fresh outlook and a positive frame of mind. Remember, you are the one who attracts love and how you feel about yourself plays a very important role in how any relationship will unfold.

Holidays can be especially HARD on those of us who are divorced with children or have gone through a recent break-up. Who wants to be alone on christmas eve? Honestly? You might say it doesn't matter to you - but I bet you are telling yourself lies. Who wants to have to *share* the kids over the Holidays? No one! In a perfect world these things wouldn't happen - but we will never live in a perfect world so get with the program, unpin that heavy garbage trailer you've been hauling around and LIVE.

Let's talk about what to do and not to do when you are missing your kids or the whole family get-togethers you had for so many years - as a whole family unit.

1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
2. Be grateful for what you DO have.
3. Don't sit home alone and cry. Go out and be with friends!
4. If you sit home alone crying in your beer, remember that is YOUR CHOICE.
5. Go work at a soup kitchen on christmas eve and then see how sorry you feel for yourself.
6. Do make it as EASY and painless as possible on the kids!
7. Do NOT drill the kids on how was it at gramma's? Was dad's GF there? etc....Just do NOT do that. The less questions you ask, the more info they will just volunteer.
8. Make sure you do *special* things with the kids. Things they will remember that were with YOU.
9. Let the kids make the holiday *schedule* - Gawd knows they feel little enough control over their lil' lives as it is - let them be where they want to be (of COURSE providing it is safe.)
10. Maybe you and your ex-mate are nicer better people to actually BE with now that you are not together making each other miserable. - Run with that! Be YOU, the good you.

An old tale in short form:

A grandfather is telling his grandson the tale of the 2 wolves that live inside of each one of us. Everyone has a bad wold and a good wolf inside and these 2 wolves are at constant war with one another. A never-ending battle to the end of us.

The bad wolf tries to make you do bad things, feel jealously, envy, be slothful and uncaring. Be mean to others. Act badly. Get you in trouble. This wolf is evil. It will try to get you to dislike your own real inner-self SO much you will soon wish to die.

The good wolf tries hard to be kind and think always of others feelings, no matter WHO they are. This wolf is wise and kind and tries hard to get you to choose good behaviours, make rational decisions and let go the past. This wolf will boost your self-worth, make you happy and joyous in the world - grateful to be a part of it.

(The real tale is long and very eloquent - (sorry my version, the one I remember, is not!)The moral of the story is all that matters...and it has stayed with me all my life.

The grandson is listening in rapture and bursting to ask a question. The Grandfather is getting up to leave. But at once as his grandfather is finished the boy asks;

"But Grandpaw...! Which wolf wins!?

And the grandfather says in reply.

"THE ONE YOU FEED THE MOST."