Excavating YOU - The REAL Dig to Your Authentic Self

...We were all authentic at one time I believe. At least I believe we were born that way -- born with what we were supposed to be -- inside.

...I deeply believe we are born with what I am about to talk about which gets lost to most of us. For some of us not until adulthood; for others it is lost or rather *stolen* from us at an early age. When that time occurs; the loss is profoundly deep. Like an open gaping wound. A hole unfulfilled by anything material; anything outside ourselves because it IS ourselves we have lost.

...We have lost OURSELVES. Such as the wonderment of childhood; that carefree laughter from jumping in a pile of autumn leaves. If it was ripped away by another or simply lost throughout the daily grind; it is possible, I am learning, to regain it; at least to the extent that we can be truly happy once again. To fill a deep void of *lack, of *desire* of *yearning* and knowing not of what it is that's missing.

...Annie Dillard is quoted as having said :

" I would like to learn, or remember, how to live."

...and that is what I am aiming to begin to examine today. I want to remember how to live as I firmly believe I used to know. Remembering HOW to live requires many things. I feel it's important here to embed what is not required in remembering how to live.

...WHAT IS NOT REQUIRED --

...Re-living the past is most definitely Not required; is in fact quite detrimental. Remembering is one thing; living in it - quite another and many of us do just that all the time.

...Being ungrateful is most definitely Not required, in fact will keep you from the very thing you seek.

...Having low self-esteem is detrimental to this entire process. With a low opinion of ourselves; how can we possibly re-learn the things required to find our true selves.

...I say above "I will hurt you no more." and being a queen of self-sabotage; this is not an easy task. It is not easy for anyone who understands what I am saying. But we have to try. We must out-smart the enemy inside us - which I believe is in part (large part) caused by low self-worth.

...Oh sure, we disguise it as so many things; in oh so many ways. Arrogance is common. I see it all the time in people who for example like to gossip. If so and so is doing such and such and Oh - how Bad is That! Blaa, blaa blaa - what are you doing? Are you not simply trying to make yourself feel better by putting other people down?

...Try to stop judging. Everything. What is just is. Not just judging people, organizations, politics; whatever; just try to stop doing it. Judging doesn't make us happy. Judgement is simply another ugly cousin of being/acting arrogant.

...There is so much to false pride and arrogance - volumes of literature are dedicated to it and I'm not about to start writing it here. Suffice it to say that if you are or have put yourself on some pedestal above all those *phonies* around you - you are a fake. And deep down you know it to be true.

...We need to Find our gifts again. They are born of Spirit and they are what make us truly happy. If worry is driving you into depression and not into action; the universe for you is way out of balance.

...Don't place your focus on LACK. Place your focus on Abundance. Be grateful for what you DO have and run with that; improve on it; make it (you) the way you want it to BE - Right Now, in just this Moment.

...I could go on and on with this but I believe the bottom line to the beginning of self-acceptance; rediscovering lost happiness and the simple wonder of life in general IS THIS.

...To re-learn the ability to live in the Present Moment. It is all there is. Cliche time but it is true. The past cannot be changed so get over it (whatever it takes to do that). Don't worry about the future (not even tomorrow or even hours from now)...it isn't here yet.

All we have is RIGHT NOW. Children LIVE it. At least the ones who have love, a home, clothes to wear and food to eat. It doesn't require much for that child to flourish. Not a care in the world. The sun is shining so lets go play. The sky is raining so lets go play. It snowed last night so let's go make angels in it...until your tummy says "I'm Hungry!" - not a care in the world. THEY JUST KNOW HOW to live in the Moment.

Have you ever hit the wall. That really hard wall when you bounce back onto your ass and realize that for years, perhaps decades you have been living backwards? That moment of clarity when you see you need to pretty much un-learn nearly everything you know about yourself. Doesn't matter why. Maybe everything you've learned was fed to you by others. If so, it's pretty obvious WHY you are not living an authentic happy life. Why the hole is yawning open so wide you fear you'll fall right in, right now and never be able to get out.

I think nervous-breakdowns occur at these moments they can be so over-whelming. Worst of all, we have often even closed our hearts off. We pretend we haven't; but we *know* we have. We pull away when we should be leaning in. We deprive ourselves of joy and cry when we should be laughing. The world is full of irony. And, dammit, it IS funny!

If we cannot learn to laugh at ourselves; I think we are pretty much screwed. Think of the adventure ahead; just ahead; just right now it is there to be had. "Seize the Day". No better time than now - no words better said - no hope better put forth.

All that hiding - from - NOTHING. I heard this the other day:

FEAR means = False Expectations Appearing Real. Think about that.

Maybe there will be a part two for this - I'll see if it is well received. If not, maybe I'll delete it. Maybe it won't be well received at all and I WON'T delete it. See...None of that is the point. The POINT is:

It just bloody well doesn't matter because I'm writing this NOW and it is making me feel happy and to me - that makes it REAL. Putting my self out here - and not caring how it is seen, how it is judged, how it is anything at all...because it just IS.

...Will I feel foolish tomorrow because I wrote this and hit *publish*? I hope not. If I do, my problems with being real are far worse than I think they are.

I'm tired of hurting. I'm gonna go play in the dirt....woops, guess that will be snow now.

 

 

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