How You Know Your Spouse is Cheating on You.

Why do *I* feel equipped to talk on the subject of cheating? Because I am a detective and people come to me to find out if their spouse or S/O is cheating on them. It isn't that they don't already *know* (they do), they need proof. For whatever reason, we all seem to need that one piece of solid proof that links your person to another person.

So...unless you caught them cheating red-handed in bed with your own eyes or holding hands walking in the park (and even THAT doesn't do it for everyone); they come to people like me. People who can give them the solid proof they so desperately seem to need but don't really want...and they pay me for that.

Another reason - I have been down that road myself. Now you are laughing. Wow! She must really be *some* detective if it happened to her. Don't. I wasn't the last one to find out nor was I looking for it...and in the long run, I frankly didn't give a rats butt.

I feel the above qualifies me as much, if not more so, than anyone to tell you what to look for.

1. Dramatic changes in their habits.
2. Physical like getting teeth fixed or hair growth products, dye, etc...
3. Distant and/or odd behaviors.
4. When you question them, they get very defensive.
5. Gut instinct - that odd disconnected feeling in your relationship.
6. Unusual mood swings.
7. Has a new cell phone.
8. Takes over the cell phone bills (if hadn't already done so)
9. Has e-mail addresses you didn't know of.
10. Seeing receipts on credit cards for unrecognized *items*.
11. *Not* seeing credit card statements anymore at all...?
12. Not being where they say they will be, when they are supposed to.
13. Giving *guilt* gifts.
14. Not making any effort at ALL in your relationship or making sudden *guilt* efforts.
15. Much less physical contact.
16. Time frame changes er: suppertime has changed.
17. Doesn't come home from work until very late.
18. Catching them in lies that are trivial.
19. Not inviting you out anymore with friends.
20. Drastic changes in their physical self. ie: weight loss, working out, looking better.

They may display all of these signs or only a few of them. For me - the biggest 3 are # 20, # 14 and #16. One other sign I neglected to mention is not looking you straight in the eyes anymore. If they are a good liar, that may not be present. Of course there are many obvious others, such as lipstick on the shirt, smelling of perfume, more like the stuff the old black and white movies were made of.

In this hub I did not say I was going to tell you how I think you could perhaps *save* your relationship. I many write a hub on that as I am well-versed in that as well. Weighing the pros and cons of *if* you really *want* to save your marriage or relationship is always a personal matter.

It may be about love or business; money or social status; whatever it is only you can decide if it is worth trying.

The BIGGEST mistake you could make!

The biggest mistake you could make is to confront your partner (as in the photo above) BEFORE you have done your homework! NEVER let on that you are suspicious! Think - They are already hiding a huge secret from you. If they know you are *onto them* two things can and often DO happen.

• It can make it Much harder to Prove the truth.

• They could get suspicious you are onto them and do many irrational things like empty bank accounts, etc...before lawyers & agreements are in place.

• They could get violent.

Even people who are generally calm can and do get violent when they feel trapped into a corner and afraid.

If you have already done this and asked them straight up, they will 99% of the time deny it. Why?

They really don’t have a choice, do they?

1. If they are not cheating on you -- of course they will deny it.

2. If they are cheating on you, but they don’t want the relationship with YOU to end, they will deny it.

3. If they feel the person they want to be with is not 100% committed to be with them --(indefinitely).

4. They feel they cannot get divorced due to money issues or religious issues

5. There is almost no chance for the truth to come out of their own mouth.

The bottom line is that if he/she knows that you are onto them they will go to even greater lengths to cover their tracks, making it even more difficult for you to find out the truth. If you can afford it, hire a professional. If you cannot afford it, do the due diligence on your own but PLEASE -- be very very careful if you do!

Emotions are running rampant now. A lot is at risk here; everything is on the table now and if you are on a stake-out at the other persons home or where ever they are found together, do you Truly think you can keep your cool and just take pictures?

I have never seen that happen yet. Your best bet in that scenario (which I Still do NOT recommend) is to have a solid friend do it for you.

Hire a professional. It is not that expensive and you will be so far ahead of the game in court you will have that money back 10 fold.

Please read this hub and vote in my little poll. I would certainly appreciate comments as well.

Also, if you have children together, still love this person, whatever the reasons(s); think about getting some counseling or help of some sort.

Don't jump off a bridge!