How to give & take constructive criticism

When it comes to giving criticism, I have found that most people don't have the first CLUE how to do it (myself included). Not that I don't really know how; I just blunder it. It isn't easy to be polite all the time and foot in mouth is fairly common for me. :} (PASS THE DUCT TAPE PLEASE.)

We can be blunt, outspoken; quiet yet cynical. If there's one thing we all have in common when it comes to dishing out criticism it seems to be most people are just not very good at it!

For example, have you ever been asked for your opinion on something only to say “I like it” when deep down you’re just indifferent to it or you actually dislike it? Have you ever criticized someone and it led to a argument? Unfortunately it’s in our nature to let our emotions speak first and our logic second. Emotions rule the world (along with hormones) and this can lead to big nasty problems if left unchecked. So how does one criticize without causing a fight, hurt feelings or insult to injury? Use constructive criticism.

OK - so what IS constructive criticism and why is it sometimes a GOOD thing?

The type of criticism known as constructive criticism offers valid feedback in both positive and negative manners. It also allows for the other involved party to input. Giving constructive criticism can lend much needed assistance to someone by giving them feedback on things that can be improved on and issues that can be avoided.

Giving constructive criticism can also help establish your credibility and expertise but you better be sure you know what you’re talking about first. The people who benefit from constructive criticism will be more likely to credit you in some way or form for playing a part in their success at whatever it is. Constructive criticism also ALWAYS avoids personal attacks and/or insults.

The most important thing to keep in mind when giving constructive criticism is to focus on valid feedback. By valid feedback I mean credible and well-founded information, not youropinion. The theory behind this is your criticism is then focused on LOGICAL concrete feedback instead of personal opinion. You know the old story, opinions are like a**holes; everybodies got one.

Ultimately you want to give criticism that offers a potential improvement for the person or situation. ALWAYS AVOID criticism that is simply bent on satisfying a personal desire you have.(…because that’s just plain selfish, you egomaniac!).

With constructive criticism is very important to be clear, understandable and relevant. Giving criticism can be (usually is) stressful anyway so try not to make it worse by being all ambiguous and allowing the conversation to spiral out of control. If you’re going to criticize someones logic; elaborate on what exactly needs improvement and/or why it could be improved upon to/for their benefit.

So to Summarize:

Focus only on valid and un-opinionated feedback (LOGIC)

It is NEVER about FAULT-FINDING!

Make your criticism clear, understandable; gentle and non-personal

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Destructive Criticism Examples

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1. That idea sucks! Who would EVER go along with THAT!?
2. I hate that idea. Why don't you use abc instead of xyz??
3. I don't understand How you can think that way!?

Constructive Criticsm Examples:

1. That's a different idea; I've never thought of it that way before. Let me give it some more thought and I'll let you know what I think later.
2. I'm not so sure about that. I'm going to do some research for you and let's discuss it later.
3. I thought it was something else; but I'll check it out and see what I come up with.

Everyone has different ideas about the way things should/could/can be done and sometimes it’s not going to be possible for a person to implement a change no matter How Much positive criticism you’ve suggested. Don’t take it personally if your constructive criticism isn’t followed. Just rest assured that you have given good constructive criticism, done your best and let it serve as a future resource.

Criticism does NOT need to be an act of finding faults with something. When done badly, it can be devastating to someones self-esteem. If you have done that - you need to apologize.

When done correctly your feedback can result in positive benefits for all parties concerned (and that might be a LOT of parties!). As long as your constructive criticism remains valid and not biased, you can be certain that your feedback will be remembered and most likely followed at some point in the future!